Story-"The Not So Wise Oracle"

January 21, 2006

So, I’m interested in writing, but you never see any stories posted to my blog. True, very true. Why is that? It is because of publishing rights. If I post a story here on the blog many publishers would classify that as being published and would not accept the story at all. Have you ever been to a writing site and got frustrated about not finding any stories? Well, any good writing site keeps the stories locked away from the public and only members of the site can read them—again its all about publishing rights.

Just to give you an updated taste of my writing I’m going to post here a story I wrote back in May 2005. I wrote this one at Liberty Hall, a writing site, for one of their timed writings. If fact it was only the sixth one I tried. A trigger is posted and everyone is given a password to see the trigger. After receiving the trigger, everyone has 90 minutes to come up with, write, and submit their stories. At one time these challenges were receiving over 30 stories. I haven’t done a challenge at Liberty Hall since July 4, 2005. I’ve been too busy with life and with The NoteBored.

As I post this story, I want to point out that I don’t normally write like this—I mean topic wise. I was tying something new (the essence of learning). I was trying to write something funny. Oh, yeah, the horse thing is a story that a roommate of mine told me, so I used it here (I added the engagement part). Along with my story, I’ll post the trigger we had to use and the comments I received on the story.


Trigger: Instructions: Use the below two words (quodlibet and oracle) to inspire
your flash. You are NOT required to use the actual words in your story.
There are several definitions provided. You may use any of them. Time
period is 1.5 hours.

quodlibet
n.
1.
1. A theological or philosophical issue presented for formal argument or
disputation.
2. Formal disputation of such an issue.

2. Music. A usually humorous medley.

Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin quodlibetum, from Latin
quodlibet, neuter of quilibet any whatever, from qui who, what + libet it
pleases, from libEre to please

oracle
n.

1.
1. A shrine consecrated to the worship and consultation of a prophetic
deity, as that of Apollo at Delphi.
2. A person, such as a priestess, through whom a deity is held to respond
when consulted.
3. The response given through such a medium, often in the form of an
enigmatic statement or allegory.

2.
1. A person considered to be a source of wise counsel or prophetic
opinions.
2. An authoritative or wise statement or prediction.

3. A command or revelation from God.

4. In the Bible, the sanctuary of the Temple.

Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin oraculum, from
orare to speak


"The Not so Wise Oracle"

Betty needed a job, any job that would bring in money fast. She didn’t have much of a body, so hooking was out of the question. She was a germ freak so cleaning was also out of the question. Back in college Betty took some vet classes, but soon after ward was attacked by a poodle and has ever since hated all pets. She would rather put to them all to sleep than help them, so obviously she couldn’t do that either. She slouched in her Lazy Boy and pondered just what she could do.

“Oh bother, I wish I hadn’t seen that psychic and bet all that money.” She stated out loud to nobody. “It was really stupid to go to the bookie, too.”

And then it hit her, _I’ll be a psychic. Just how hard could it be? _ So Betty got up and grabbed a notebook and pen to jot down ideas. Then she turned to the Yellow Pages to see the names of her competition._ There’s so many of them._ After a moments pause, _Wait, what was that woman on Matrix called. Oracle! That’s it! _

The a few days later in the local want adds there was a new addition reading: “Need counsel? Call The Oracle, Betty the Wise. 900-BetWise.” Betty sat by the phone willing it to ring. She needed to get that bookie his money. Noon came but the phone never rang. Betty walked to her kitchen to get a light lunch and sat back down by the phone while she ate it. Betty sat there staring at the phone; she stared so hard she thought she saw it vibrating. The chime clock on the wall chimed that it was six o’clock. _Hopefully tomorrow._

The next day Betty was up and at ‘em, hopping that today would go down in history as her first call. The toast just popped out of the toaster when the phone rang. Betty ran for it, dove over the couch, and picked up the receiver. “Oracle, Betty Wise, how may I help you?”

“Oh, yes, um well this is Mark and I was wondering if you give me some advice.”

“Of course I can Mark, that’s what I do is help people in distress.”

“My wife just had a baby, and we are really strapped for money. I was thinking about playing the lottery or buying some stock. Whatcha think?”

“Well, lottery sure is a lure, but stocks are a safer return. Go with the stocks.”

“Ok, Oracle, but which one?”

Betty sat there and thought for a moment. _I don’t know names of any stock._ “Well, Mark, you stated that your wife just had a child. There are hundreds of children born everyday. I suggest you place your money in the diaper stock.”

“The diaper stock, you’re brilliant! I will do that.”

After the credit card information was given, Betty and Mark hung up. Mark went about finding how to invest in diaper stock. He remembered a commercial on the television and he called the number.

“CK’s Brokerage firm, how may I help you?”

“Yes, I would like to buy some shares in the diaper stock,” came the confident reply.

“Diaper stock? Sir, is this some kind of a joke?”

“No. Oracle Betty the Wise told me to.”

The lady on the phone started to laugh and then hung up the phone.

After eating a new set of toast, Betty was once again waiting for the phone to ring. “I think I did a good job with my first customer,” she said out loud to the walls. The hours were slowing clicking by and Betty picked up a book to read. Once again the charm clock chimed six o’clock. _Hopefully there will be more tomorrow._

No calls came in the morning, but finally it rang in the afternoon. Betty dashed out of the bathroom still pulling up her pants and grabbed the phone on its last ring. “Hello, Oracle Betty the Wise, how may I help you?”

Sobbing came over the line, “Hi, I’m....Deborah. My boyfriend asked me to marry him.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well, he is a very traditional man and I don’t know if he would want to marry me if he knew that I have been with other men.”

“Oh, I see. How many?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Several.”

“And you never told him?”

“No. Oracle, this guy is really great and I didn’t want to lose him. But now, well, if we get married, he will know.”

“Oh, I see. Well you could always tell him that you lost your virginity to a horse.”

“A horse! Man, what are you talking about?” Deborah demanded.

“I knew of a girl once that stated bleeding after riding a fat horse. Her mom took her to a doctor and the doctor told her that she had lost her virginity.”

“Oh. Well, I guess I could try that.”

Betty got Deborah’s credit card information. _That was easy._

After hanging up Deborah called her boyfriend. “Hi, Sweetie. Yes, I will marry you, but there is something I have to tell you. Honey, I lost my virginity to a horse. Honey....Honey...are you there?” Deborah redialed the number, but no one picked up. She tried all day, but he would never pick up the phone.

Over the course of the week, Betty took many calls and helped many people. She thought she was doing an excellent job and she was getting money fast. _I’ll have that bookie paid off by the end of the month, if all goes well._

At the end of her second week as “Oracle, Betty the Wise,” she picked up the newspaper and started to read it. After reading a couple of articles, she decided to look at her add in the want adds. And there beside her own she read, “Don’t call 900-BetWise; she is the dumbest Oracle around.”

There were no more phone calls after that. “Now what? I still a job, a job that will bring in money fast.” The walls in her apartment never answered her back.

Crits:
member 1, May 30, 2005
The main character is a loser to tries to help losers, but fails. The losers she tries to help are such pathetic losers that they actually listen to Betty's moronic advice. There is nothing in this story line to keep me interested, except the fact that I have to review it because it's my group to review. I did find the concept slightly original, and if the characters were more realistic or likeable, I might actually read a story like this. Point-of-view shifts were awkward at first, but by the third one I did see a pattern. Normally, they should be indicated by a "#" or "* * *" paragraph break.
Quote:
Betty walked to her kitchen to get a light lunch and sat back down by the phone while she ate it
I found this sentence amusing - she ate the phone!!! How did she get any more calls??? I also found this story impossible to believe. She needs to keep her clients on the phone a lot longer if she's going to begin to pay for her ad in the paper. At $3.99 a minute, she's earned about $12 so far, and a decent display ad for one week would cost over $100. "Real" phone psychics (a friend of mine was one for about a month) have an elaborate ritual - tarot, i ching, crystal balls, etc.) they go through to summon the spiritual energies necessary for conveying information over the "primitive" phone lines, and take quite a bit of time doing so. But, then again, maybe this is supposed to a parable. If so, perhaps a clear omniscient POV from the beginning might help.

member 2, May 30, 2005
I found that this one had a real tongue in cheek sense of humor about it. Yes, there are some rough spots, and I agree that it is hard to care about the character, but if you work to bring out the humor, and the whimsicality of the character, I think you might be able to pull it off.

member 3, May 30, 2005
I thought this was funny. Rough, yes, but it cracked me up. I'd love to see what this looks like after a serious workover. (and I mean serious - there's a lot of work to do here to make the humor shine.) Is her business model by the minute? Or a flat fee? Maybe she's charging $200 a session or something.

member 4, May 31, 2005
I actually laughed out loud once or twice reading this. I know, it's not terribly believable, but I don't know that it needs to be. It does need a lot of work to smooth it out. To hold up the suspension of disbelief, we do need to know some more detail about how she goes about her new business and expects it to be financially workable. To keep us with it, it might help to be more sympathetic or knowledgable about the MC. The ending could use some work too. The add in the paper could be a lot zingier, and perhaps you could have her start thinking about her next job -- maybe she wants to be a bookie? Or perhaps call another psychic to get advice about her career?

member 5, May 31, 2005
I thought this was a funny story, but agree that it definitely needs some work to let that aspect shine. However, the concept is great (I laughed out loud when she started giving advice to the woman getting married... that was brilliant ). Looking forward to seeing the rewrite on this.

member 6, May 31, 2005
I thought this was funny but underdeveloped. Try getting into Betty's head a little more. The pacing seemed a little too fast for me. Almost felt rushed the entire way through. Also, the ending fell flat. I found myself saying "That's it?" I agree that the ads need to be more catchy. Grammatically, there are serious issues but I'm sure you'll see those on the rewrite. Overall, I liked the humor but agree that this will take some work to polish up. Good luck.

member 7, June 1, 2005
Interesting original concept, but the POV shifts were absolutely dreadful and the grammar left much to be desired. Pretty much everything else has been said.


Votes:
0 for Best Narrative Voice
0 for Best Dialog
0 for Best Flash